Preparing for Marriage, Not Just for the Wedding: Vital Things to Know Before You Say "I Do"

Preparing for Marriage, Not Just for the Wedding: Vital Things to Know Before You Say "I Do"

Introduction: More Than a Ceremony

Weddings are beautiful, exciting, and filled with love, laughter, and celebration. But what happens when the music stops and the guests go home? That’s where marriage begins — and it’s often where reality sets in.

There’s an old saying that rings truer with each passing generation: “Love is not enough.” Is love important? Absolutely. Should it be considered? Of course. But if love is all you have, you may find yourself unequipped for the real challenges that come with lifelong commitment.

Preparing for marriage means intentionally planning beyond the glamour of your wedding day. It means asking hard questions, facing uncomfortable truths, and choosing wisely with the future in mind.

1. Genotype Compatibility: Protect the Future

One of the most overlooked but critical discussions in relationships today is genotype compatibility. It is not enough to ask your partner what their genotype is — go for a certified laboratory test together.

Genotype mismatches, like AS marrying another AS, can result in children born with sickle cell anaemia — a deeply painful and lifelong condition. Love is not an antidote for suffering. You owe it to your unborn children to protect their well-being with informed decisions.

2. Love: The Foundation, Not the Roof

Love is essential, but love alone won't pay bills, raise children, solve arguments, or heal deep misunderstandings. What makes love strong and lasting is commitment — the decision to stay and grow through hard seasons.

Ask your partner:

• What does love mean to you?

• Do you believe love changes or evolves?

• How do you show love in difficult times?

This conversation will help you both understand what you're really signing up for.

3. Faith and Belief Systems: Unequally Yoked?

Your partner’s faith, values, and beliefs are core to their identity.

Ask direct questions:

• Do you believe in God?

• Are you actively practicing a religion?

• What are your spiritual priorities?

• What are your views on culture, gender roles, and marriage responsibilities?

Don’t assume these things will “work themselves out.” Unity in belief often lays a solid spiritual foundation for marriage.

4. Family Background & Upbringing: The Invisible Luggage

People bring their pasts into relationships — their childhood experiences, family patterns, and emotional wounds. Don’t just rely on what your partner tells you; observe, listen, and even speak to people who know them.

• Is there a history of abuse, violence, or addiction in their home?

• How were they raised to handle conflict?

• How do they relate with authority figures or in-laws?

Remember: Marriage doesn't just join two people; it often joins two family systems.

5. Transparency & Health Disclosure: No Secrets Allowed

Hiding personal truths may delay pain but will eventually cause deeper betrayal. Before marriage, be transparent about:

• Any chronic illnesses or genetic conditions

• Past relationships or children

• Addictions, traumas, or psychological battles

• Legal or financial troubles

Marriage is not the place for secrets. Truth builds trust. Deceit destroys it.

6. Expectations: Speak Now, Not Later

What do you expect from each other?

• Who will handle finances?

• How will household responsibilities be shared?

• What do you want sex and intimacy to look like?

• Do you expect your partner to relocate for your job?

Write your expectations down. Compare them. Talk through differences and align on what’s realistic and fair.

7. Financial Planning: Money Talks Before Marriage

Money is the second leading cause of divorce. So don’t sweep this under the rug.

• Will you operate a joint or separate account?

• Who pays what bills?

• Will you save and invest together?

• What’s your attitude toward debt and loans?

Financial unity requires honesty, discipline, and mutual planning.

8. Trust: The Oxygen of Relationship

Do you trust your partner deeply? Can you say with confidence: “My spouse would never do that”?

Trust is not just about avoiding lies — it’s about consistent character, integrity, and emotional safety. If there are red flags, don’t ignore them. Marriage does not fix trust issues; it amplifies them.

9. Physical Attraction: More Than Looks

Physical attraction is not about superficial beauty. It’s about emotional chemistry and emotional responsiveness.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel joy around this person?

• Does their voice calm or excite me?

• Am I physically drawn to them?

You should never marry someone you are not emotionally and physically comfortable with.

10. Children: Dream Together, Plan Ahead

Talk openly:

• Do both of you want children?

• How many?

• What if there are fertility challenges?

• Are you open to IVF, surrogacy, adoption, or living without children?

• What are your parenting styles?

These are not "later" conversations. They are now conversations.

11. Polygamy, Boundaries & Deal Breakers

Be honest about your stance on polygamy or open marriages. Don't assume your partner’s views are the same as yours. Define boundaries. Know your deal breakers before you say “I do.”

Final Word: Plan the Marriage, Not Just the Wedding

So many couples spend months planning for one day — the wedding — but forget to prepare for the years that follow.

True preparation includes:

✅ Deep conversations
✅ Health checks
✅ Family alignment
✅ Spiritual unity
✅ Emotional maturity
✅ Financial strategy

Marriage is not for perfect people. It’s for prepared people. Let’s reduce the rate of divorce and raise a generation of blissful, resilient marriages.

Think deeply. Pray earnestly. Choose wisely.

🖋️ Presented by Ekwunazu Eunice
🌍 GOA Community Services